end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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