hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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