She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
