My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
