I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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