So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
