The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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