Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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