He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
