what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
