I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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