i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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