I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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