I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
