Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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