So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
