last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
