Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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