i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
