Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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