At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
