I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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