Pappa wants mamma naked
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
