If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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