Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Houston, we have a squirter
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
