This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
