I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
