he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
