dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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