We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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