You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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