that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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