The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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