I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
