I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
