I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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