I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
