No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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