I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
