So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
