U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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