if i can run in heels then i can drive
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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