i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
