i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
