glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
