Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
