Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
