i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We smell like vodka and hangover
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