I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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