all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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