do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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