She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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